Baby Steps

I've always been big. I come from a long line of women with "child-bearing" hips. Add to that my 5'10" height in 7th grade - along with glasses and braces, no less - and I was one popular chica. I wasn't so much fat as I was big. It's just what I was. But at the age of 13, that's tough to take. In my mind, I was fat and ugly.

When I was a Sophomore / Junior in high school, I started running. For no reason. I remember the very night it started. I was walking around our 2.2-mile block with my family, and I had headphones on. They were the size of ear muffs, and the radio and headphones were all one piece. Some Whitney Houston song came on (lame, I know), but it was just the right tempo to make me want to move faster. The next thing I knew, I was running the "big loop" of our neighborhood (appx 5 mi) with those darned headphones bobbing on my head. For one entire summer I got up early to run. There was no stopping me.

I completed my first 5K my senior year. My body image was so horrible at that point, I swore I was just too fat.

My hips will never be size zero. But one day I will have those legs again. This morning, I ramped up my workout to include some running. It's going to take some time, but I'll get there. This morning, I felt the freedom of healthy lungs and working leg muscles. I tasted the sweat and felt the pain. And it was glorious to be there again.