Thursday, January 17, 2008

Dear Mister Almost Roadkill...

At 5:30 this evening, after the sun vanished for the night (winter afternoons are dark in NY), and while the non-accumulating-or-so-they-say snow was dandruffing my windshield, I observed the following actions by you, the pedestrian:
- You were walking on the right side of the road, with your back to traffic.
- You had ample - albeit slightly sloped - shoulder upon which to tread, yet you chose to stay on the road.
- You were wearing a dark sweatshirt and camouflage pants - what, did you go hunting? Or, I'm sorry - were you attending your middle school dance FROM NINETEEN EIGHTY THREE???

Even though I was traveling a mere 30 mph (the posted speed limit), I had to swerve into oncoming traffic to avoid hitting you. While I can attest to the fact that I would not have killed you (or seriously have maimed you, for that matter), I do resent the threat you posed to my little Hyundai. You would have dented my beater car, and you would have sued me. You probably would have won - what was I to say - because of the camo pants I thought you were a tree???

And while one of my self-promises is to do no harm, I can certainly WISH you harm. May you get bumped off the road - just enough for a big bruise or maybe even a sprain. Because you are truly stupid.

Thank you for giving me a panic attack when I was on my way home towards a Happy Place of knitting and DVRd movies. You suck. Like a great big sucking thing that sucks a lot. And not just a lot of sucking, but sucking...a lot of the time.


Eric K. said...

Probably the biggest sucker who ever sucked a suck from a suck tree...or something like that. Besides, who wears a dark sweatshirt with camo??? Shouldn't he be wearing a camo sweatshirt to match the pants?

Aren't you glad you moved away from the rednecks????

Pam said...

Ha! Eric you're funny!

I totally know where you're going with this, Beth. And I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets mad at "wrong way" peds. I hope your heart has descended from your throat back to its usual spot.